NewYork & Eighteen.

Living for the one who died for me.

I’m learning so much about myself and I’m growing so much. Lately the way I view myself, others and situations are very different. I finally feel like I’m really improving. I realize some of the things I’ve been doing/have in my life have to go because they’re pulling me away from Jesus. I’m not perfect, but I know I want a better way than where I was and the only way I’ll ever get that is through Him. I’m not worried about the future to be honest, I’m just going to let God do what He wants to in my life. I have nothing to fear. I see there are people trying to tear me away from my faith or bring me down, and those people I have to break ties with unfortunately. But ultimately I know that I’m doing what’s right and that no one can break me down from this place I’m at of joy with God.

Praise The Lord! I am so incredibly blessed and loved. I’m thankful that I have a Saviour who shows me a love greater than any other love and has paid the price for my sins so that I can have a new life which I don’t deserve. I want to worship and shout from the rooftops of my love for Him! He is the true love of my life! Thank you Jesus!

Basically I’m completely against everyone right now and I want to run away. To be honest I just want someone to pretend to understand and to be a good friend.

Finished the Fault in Our Stars. All I want to do is cry. Such a great book, everyone seriously pick up this book and read it. John Green, you have a wonderful talent and a way with words.

I’m reading the Fault in Our Stars by John Green and I can’t put it down. It is lovely and heartbreaking. I feel so emotionally attached to the characters and it makes me so thankful that I never have had to an illness or cancer. I am so happy that I am finally sitting down and reading again like I used to. This book is killing me and I don’t want it to end.

I know birthdays aren’t about presents, but it was so nice seeing my good friends get me things and think about me in some way for today. I am so blessed to know them. Even my friends who couldn’t get me anything wished me long, sentimental messages. I feel so loved and thought about which is so encouraging to me. I don’t have many close friends but the ones that I do have, I wouldn’t trade for anything.

In a couple hours I’m going to be officially 18. Yes.

I am the most emotional person lately. Every time someone says the smallest mean/hurtful thing or raises their voice slightly at me I automatically feel like I’m about to cry. I absolutely hate it. Even just thinking about things makes my eyes get all watery and a lump forms in the back of my throat. I need to start journaling because I just hold everything in and then explode all at once. I don’t get these feelings I’m having recently.

I don’t feel like I deserve to be loved by you. This feeling is absolutely terrible and I wish it’d go away.

I feel so trapped. I can not stand anything about myself.

I genuinely used to think that in order to know someone loves you they have to tell you they do all the time. But that’s not the case. Sometimes it’s nice to save ‘I love you’s for special occasions or when you just feel a big amount of love for someone and to not let it be thrown around, but at the same time though I don’t think there is anything wrong with telling people you love them a lot. I don’t know, just a thought.

I don’t feel like I can be myself around anyone and it sucks.

So far this year there have been two books I have started and had to stop reading because they actually made me extremely sad and heartbroken. Books are powerful things, my friends.

My mom is such a bully and I don’t think she realizes how much she hurts me.